Many people find it easier to hate themselves than to hate others.  This worked as a survival skill when we were children because many times we could not express what we really thought to our caretakers because we might receive punishments in all its forms, physical, emotional and insidious.   But as adults, to hate ourselves, does not work.  In fact, it holds us back, gets in the way of insight and pleasure.

How does one change a pattern of self-hate?  It is important to see an experienced counsellor.  In my experience the hate is very deep, entwined in body-mind systems.  It is not enough to hear from our friends that we are good and worthwhile people. Probably if you are reading this, you know what I mean.  This hate pattern usually needs to be unwound, like a necklace that has a gold chain that is wound up….you know?  To use cognitive, emotive and somatic approaches, is the way I work,  both top-down and bottom-up directions.  “The term top-down refers to how cognitive structures of the brain impact the emotional and instinctive systems of the body. The term bottom-up refers to how regulation in the nervous system impacts cognitions.”

(Healing Developmental Trauma, by Heller and LaPierre)