Usually, because we are not educated about interpersonal communication in our schools, families, or churches…..the usual pattern of “Stuck” communication between couples is something like the following:
- one person or both feel disrespected or misunderstood or in disagreement
- conversation gets louder or more aggressive as each person feels less and less “heard” and respected
- finally one or both people, filled with frustration, walk out of the room, curse, say “whatever” in negative tones, and the issue is pushed “under the carpet”, and forgotten, or an attempt is made to forget it
- sometime later both people have a drink or two or use some recreational drug
- the couple then have sex
- the disagreement is further pushed under the carpet until another fight or disagreement occurs
- the whole cycle starts again
- eventually passive-aggressive behavior or hurtful comments sneak out
- the couple break up and two more people are deeply wounded and confused about what happened and whether there is any “hope” for a good relationship at all.
Of course, this is simplified, but you get the general picture. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!